Recently, we received a letter from one of our readers. Mia faced a tough decision. Find out why she chose to leave the family dinner early, set clear boundaries, and demand respect in her marriage, even if it meant standing up to her husband’s family.
Here is letter
Hello,
I (30F) come from a modest background and have always supported myself. My husband (32M) earns more than I do, but we split things fairly, and I’ve never depended on him financially.
His family has never really liked me. They’ve always assumed I’m with him for the money, even though I’ve done everything I can to show that’s not the case. Last month, it was my MIL’s birthday, so we attended a big family dinner.
Our Response
Hello, Mia,
It sounds like you’re in a tough spot, trying to balance your sense of self and your relationship with your husband. From what you’ve shared, your feelings are completely valid. No one should feel disrespected or belittled, especially when it’s unwarranted, as in this situation. Your hard work, independence, and effort in both your marriage and finances deserve to be recognized and respected, not dismissed by hurtful comments.
Your reaction to the situation is not an overreaction—it’s a reasonable boundary. Setting boundaries is an essential part of any healthy relationship, whether with a partner, family, or anyone else. The problem here isn’t your response; it’s the disrespect coming from your in-laws.
Unfortunately, family dynamics can sometimes be tricky, especially when there are longstanding judgments or assumptions. While your husband may be trying to keep the peace, it’s important for him to recognize that supporting you in your discomfort is also a part of maintaining harmony, not just ignoring the issue.
If you feel that these comments are not isolated and have been an ongoing issue, you have every right to stand up for yourself. Your boundaries are a reflection of your values and self-worth. It’s okay to let your husband know how deeply these comments hurt you, but it’s also important to have an honest conversation about what kind of treatment you’re willing to accept moving forward. It’s about mutual respect, and your well-being should be a priority.
It might be helpful to have a calm conversation with your husband about why these comments are hurtful and why standing up for yourself isn’t a dramatic response—it’s a matter of self-respect. If he can see where you’re coming from, that could open up a productive dialogue with his family if that’s something you both feel is worth pursuing.
Ultimately, it’s about finding a balance where you feel supported and respected, both by your husband and his family. Don’t feel pressured to endure disrespect for the sake of family peace. You have every right to protect your emotional health.